Arranging The Structure: Raya Uma Datta - Bahiranga Sadhana Workshop - Day 2

How do we begin? What is the balance of force?

Day 2 of Raya's workshop, Arranging The Structure, began by confirming our understanding of the previous day. As my glimpses here in no way attempt to articulate Raya's lessons entirely, his emphasis demonstrates the importance of clarification. I will do my best to do that. Iyengar Yoga uses asana as the point of entry into the Astanga or 8-limbed path of yoga outlined by the Sage Patañjali in 196 sutra's or threads. The sutra after 11:30 outlining the five Yama or universal precepts:

Sutra 11.31 jāti-deśa-kāla-samaya-anavacchinnāḥ sārvabhaumā-mahāvratam

BKS Iyengar transcribed in Light on the Sutras of Patanjali as “Yamas are the great, mighty, universal vows, unconditioned by place, time, and class.” He explains his reasoning for stressing their universality regardless of region, culture, or origin by saying: “They form the framework of rules on which society is based,” (LOYSP, p136). The five Yama or self-restraints are Ahimsa (non-violence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (non-stealing), Brahmacarya (continence), and Aparigraha (non-greed). It is my understanding that Iyengar Yoga begins with asana because there is a universality to the human body for most part so it is a place we can all unite to begin to learn the art, science, and philosophy of yoga. Through asana we can better understand why the precepts are so meaningful. While the five Yama aid in the proper functioning of society, coupled with the five personal precepts or Niyama: Sauca (cleanliness) Santosa (contentment) Tapah (burning desire) svadhyaya (self study) Isvara prandnidhanani (surrender to God) they can also help arrange the structure of our body, mind, and breath in any given asana.

Raya asked where do we begin arrangingVirasana, heroes pose? The most obvious is the hips: hip to knees and hips to trunk. What is the condition of our starting asana? Is it to prepare for Paryankasana, couch or Bhekasana, frog as is the order in Light on Yoga? This virasana is to prepare for the Invocation. Therefore, while the arrangement of the structure stayed the same, the “force” and concentration were very different. Raya suggested support to keep the lower back engaged, which intelligized the spine and had a domino effect on the frontal body, chest, groins, hips. It also softened any mental and physical force to aid our moving inward to a place of calm and receptivity. He asked us to draw the eyes inward —recognizing the increased screen time and eye fatigue that results. He spent time here to relax and release then asked us to release any grips, such as in the big toe. He conditioned our inner awareness and alertness of the body. Are we being aggressive, assertive or affirmative. What is needed?

It is with this kind of acute awareness and attention, Iyengar Yoga asks us to bring to our asana practice. The Yama and Niyama can help us balance the opposite forces of doing and not doing to suit the condition of the asana. Keeping in mind the condition can be situational, mental, physical, or emotional.

Raya pointed out how Guruji identified when the front leg and the back leg are doing different things such as Parsvottanasana, intense side stretch, the starting points change for each leg. Raya asked us to connect the length from the right ankle to the right shoulder and then the left. Imagining arrows drawn to each set, he wanted us to notice how the starting point of each arrow and the length of the arrows are different.

Raya brought up the idea of the domino effect and how when the balance of force is not appropriate to the given condition of the structure how it affects everything else. He emphasized why learning all of the ways to arrange the structure of any given asana is all the more integral to our evolution as practitioners. Uncovering the wisdom that Uttanasana, intense forward bend can provide to Pashimottanasana, intense stretch of the western side of the body and Ubaya Padangustasana, seated holding both big toes, as well as Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana, upward facing intense stretch of western body —and how each of these poses can inform each other is what it is to be an Iyengar practitioner. He brought our attention to why BKS Iyengar provided different arm positions in Paschimottanasana and encouraged us to experience how it improves our understanding of the pose — noticing how they inform specific parts of the body with information we can apply to other asana.

Raya recognized that teachers must instruct in a specific krama or order, but teachers are also students. He said one of his favorite quotes from Mr. Iyengar:

Discipline comes from within ~ BKS Iyengar

As students, we must rigorously explore all Iyengar Yoga offers us. It is up to us to discover, uncover, and most of all practice, so we can embody why BKS Iyengar arranged the structure Light on Yoga the way he did.

Thank you once again, Raya for sharing your insights, Iyengar Yoga of Greater New York for hosting, my mentor, Kquvien DeWeese, and The Iyengar Family for making it all possible. I look forward to tomorrow.

Namaste

Patricia Walden's Asana for Upliftment: Aging & Backbends

Patricia’s iconic backbends

As the only North American with a Senior Advanced certification in the Iyengar Method, Patricia Walden shares her years of experience learning and studying with BKS Iyengar and the Iyengar Family through her classes, workshops, books and instructional videos. Many yoga students know her voice from the Audible version of BKS Iyengar’s Light on Life. I listen to it often, picking up new jewels as I am better able to merge my intelligence with its message. It is this ability that Iyengar Yoga seeks to cultivate and it set the foundation for Patricia’s December backbending workshop hosted by Marla Apt, and Iyengar Therapeutics

Patricia refers to Mr. Iyengar, as Guruji (from the root Guru or bringer of light). Anyone touched by Iyengar Yoga has experienced some of that light. It is a result of the refined instruction BKS Iyengar’s phenomenal life’s work has given certified instructors of the Iyengar Method of teaching the 8-limbed path or Astanga Yoga.

Patricia explained that one of the definitions Guruji gives for yoga is “When the intelligence of the brain merges with spiritual heart.” She recalled that his daughter, Dr. Geeta Iyengar often referenced the Sutra III:35 of Sage Patañjali:

hrdaye cittasamvit

Guruji transcribed this in his book Light On The Sutras of Patañjali  as "By samyama on the region of the heart, the yogi acquires a thorough knowledge of the contents and tendencies of consciousness." Samyama is the intergration of Dhāraṇā (concentration), Dhyāna (meditation) and Samādhi (union).

Patricia began the workshop by bringing our focus onto the sternum, a physical place that serves as the doorway to the spiritual heart, a vast space. Coaching us inward with reverence for the Sage Patañjali and BKS Iyengar, we honored them with an invocation. The deep gratitude and reverence, humbles us to receive the boundless lessons of Iyengar Yoga.

Wisdom is a positive consequence of age, Patricia explained. While we may have challenges with different parts of our body, we have gained wisdom, which is more critical than the backbends. "As our bodies change, our mind changes too; wisdom comes," she continued. She proceeded to take us through a series of standing, seated, and forward bend poses followed by prone backbends concentrating on the areas that get dull as we age while still focusing on the sternum and spiritual heart. Guruji distinguished horizontal actions from vertical actions. The extension vertically is from the intelligence or mind, and the extension horizontally is from the spiritual heart, where wisdom comes.

Patricia began going to Pune, India to attend the Ramamani Iyengar Memorial Yoga Institute, RIMYI, in 1976. For many years, she had the good fortune to watch wisdom at work, witnessing BKS Iyengar evolve his back bending practice as he aged. She recalled him saying about his asana practice, “I used to play, but now I stay.” She noticed how he used more prop support to stay longer in asana like Dwi Pada Viparita Dandasana, two-legged inverted bow, Urdhva Dhanurasana, upward bow, and Natarajasana, an asana named after Siva, Lord of the Dance. Patricia reminisced about practicing with Guruji. She recalled how if she started to practice beside him, she had to commit to stay, she couldn’t stop. She giggled explaining that while he appeared to be still in whatever pose he was in, it was extremely rigorous and challenging.

During the workshop, Patricia took us through a Krama or ordered sequence. She distinguished each sequence as "family of poses" that prepare our bodies and minds for backbends. Now in her 70s, Patricia continues her backbending practice, but prepares her body more than she used to. She addressed the fact that as we age the light we worked so hard to bring into places like the roots of the thighs and groins, our armpits, thoracic spine, and knees dull with age. It doesn't mean it goes out - it means we have to spend a little more time to shift the dimness to make it brighter and sharper. In this way, we assure a safe and healing backbend practice as we age.

As an example with Adho Mukha Svanasana, or downward dog, she gave several detailed instructions such as spreading the skin of the palms and backs of our knees, rotating the triceps inward (alerting the armpits), pressing the roots of the thighs, and tops our knees back while extending our heels down by lifting the lower shin up and back. She brought our attention to all the parts of the spine, the thoracic spine, the lumbar spine, and the lower spine —asking us to lengthen and "intelligize" the entire spine, and proceeded with more detailed instruction.

These instructions are just a taste of what a Senior Advanced Certified Iyengar instructor brings to students. From standing, kneeling, seated, and prone asana, Patricia’s instruction sometimes adds elemental cues like earth, water, fire, and ether. It goes deeper and deeper into back bending actions through every koshas or sheath of the body. Students who have cultivated their ability to hear and follow without resistance are taken to a place that alters their perspective of what they are capable of.

It is but a millisecond glimpse into the probable 31,557,60 seconds BKS Iyengar explored his own body and those of his students every year for seven decades. Through his expedition, he developed the precise words to instruct from gross to subtle actions that enable transformation in mental, physical, and emotional mobility and freedom.

The instruction Patricia provided early in the workshop applied to the asana that followed. She sequentially and systematically woke our spine, and the spots that dull with age. She increased our ability to extend vertically and horizontally from the outer skin to the inner body. All of which created the space we needed to come into a full back bend from the floor: Urdhva Dhanurasana, upward bow. Whether with various setups of prop support or flat from the floor, her entire class enable us to experience the back bend with more receptivity, space, and freedom. With all of the necessary actions of the body intelligized, our mind could merge completely with the heart. We could experience the true upliftment an Iyengar Yoga back bend provides regardless of age.

Thank you, Patricia; what an excellent way to end a very challenging year!

Namaste

The Belle of Bellur: Four Days of Gratitude with Abhijata Iyengar - Day 4

Celebrating BKS Iyengar’s birthday From the soil of his birth and in Bellur, India, and supporting his dream through the Bellur Trust  is a gesture. His granddaughter, Abhijata Sridha Iyengar expressed the emotions of love, respect, and reverence, all of those who have been touched by his work felt. We wanted to honor his birthday whether we ever got a chance to meet him in person or not. His energy is still very present. His life’s work continues to make it possible for people from all walks of life to experience the transformation of yoga.

Many refer to him as Guruji. It is from the word guru or bringer of light. It is very fitting for someone who put yoga into a language the modern world could understand —regardless of country, class, race, gender, age, or physical abilities or limitation. “Access” is a term we hear a lot relevant these days, and Guruji sought to find ways to offering any willing students access to the transformation of yoga.

Since its origins somewhere between the fifth and third centuries BCE, yoga has evolved and been packaged in innumerable ways. Diving into its depths is a daunting task, which is why BKS Iyengar’s work is such a gift. Anyone who has had the opportunity to observe or assist in the Ramamani Iyengar Memorial Yoga Institute (RIMYI) therapy classes located in Pune, Maharashtra, has witnessed the healing powers of his work. It is why he has students from all over the globe. It’s not that he thought himself god-like as so many with his kind of influence tend to think of themselves. He worked, played, lived, and breathed yoga with the highest integrity any man can have. He gave us a learning method that aligns and connects us, mind, and body, because he knew once that happens, the yoga can do the yoga.

Tamas - inert, dull

Rajas - fire, dynamic

Sattvic - luminosity

There are three qualities of nature or Gunas: Tamas, solidity, Rajas, dynamism, Sattva, luminosity. They are ever-present and changing throughout nature and life. Abhijata brought awareness of the Gunas and the transformative power of yoga in her final class. She began and ended with a Savasana or corpse pose. She pointed out the vast difference of experience between the two asana. For some of us, it was very early morning; for some, after lunch, others, it was evening. Time, place, weather, level of study all affect the experience. Abhijata highlighted the Sutra of Sage Patanjali, which BKS Iyengar transcribes as “Perfection in an asana is achieved when the effort to perform it becomes effortless and the infinite being within is reached.”

II.47 prayatna shaithilya ananta samapattibhyam

Beginners may experience a generalized dullness, which is why Iyengar Yoga emphasizes standing poses in early training. They wake up the body. In Utthita Hasta Padasana, extended hands and legs pose, Abhijata taught with instructions such as lift the kneecaps and thighs and extend the arms from the sternum: the right sternum out to the fingertips and left sternum to the fingertips. Clear actions required the body and mind to engage progressively from the outer skin inwards to our muscles, bones, and nerves. The tamasic dullness moved into a more rajasic active state. Asana in an Iyengar class require intense focus and effort. Repetition allows that focus and effort to evolve. When we can better align and connect the mind and body, we move into another stage, a more rhythmic flow of effort, and a less effortful luminous state. These qualities of dullness, activity, and luminosity cycle within and around us day-to-day, moment-by-moment, class to class, asana to asana. With continuous practice, we can mindfully utilize these qualities of nature. When we need rajas, we can call upon it. When we are angry or agitated and we need to pause, we can call upon tamas. The harmony or balance of the two is sattva, so it is the more luminous state. We can learn to calibrate ourselves to adjust to inward changes or help us deal with outward changes in our environment.

In class, Abhijata generated rajas after the first few asana. She paused less between the asana, the rigor and intensity forced focused effort and then we experienced asana from the beginning of class again, now the effort was less effortful, the rigor and repetition transformed the body and mind, so by the time we got to Savasana, corpse pose for the second time, we were now acutely present with our legs, feet, ankles, thighs, hips, abdomen, chest, arms, neck, head, ears, eyes, mouth, nose and breath. We could actively surrender to earth from which we came and with it perhaps more conscious gratitude towards the man who helped us get there.

Iyengar Yoga is an experience not to be missed.

Thank you, Abhijata, for your willingness, your time, effort, and insight; Kishore for all of your patience and support; all of the panelists for demonstrating the poses and the many prop alternatives in the Iyengar repertory to address specific issues. I am grateful to you all. None of this could be possible without the birth of BKS Iyengar. Our continued experience, learning, and sharing of Iyengar Yoga can give him many happy returns.

Namaste.

The Belle of Bellur: Four Days of Gratitude with Abhijata Iyengar - Day 2

Day two of the workshop with Abhijata Sridhar, BKS Iyengar’s granddaughter, highlighted for me the grace and gratitude that Iyengar Yoga fosters. It is unfathomable for most of us to imagine leading a class as large as the Iyengars do, and yet, it is what BKS Iyengar and his daughter Geeta dedicated their lives to. It is what his son, Prashant, continues to do. Abhijata trained with all of them since she was 16. She carries the legacy of impeccable instruction forward.

She is such an inspiration. She mentioned today that if we didn’t know her grandfather’s birthday or he didn’t have the telling hair color ( read gray) — watching him in the studio before his passing; you’d never know his age. Likewise, listening to Abhijata, experiencing her wisdom, confidence and clarity, you’d never know she is only 38 years old. Her Kriya Yoga, acts of yoga: Tapas (self-discipline that burns impurities), Svadhyaya (self-study from the outer to the inner sheaths), and Ishvara Pranidhana (the ultimate surrender to the divine) have given her such grace.

Today she emphasized how we should never underestimate the importance of how yoga brings the unconscious (whatever you want to call it) to the surface. We explored extension of the frontal body and circularizing that with lengthening and engaging the back body in standing, revolved, and seated asana. We studied the Bhranti Darsana, delusion or false ideas that can come with attempts to find that extension in an asana that requires more than surface awareness like Parvritta Trikonasana or Parvrtta Parsvokonasana (revolved triangle and side angle pose respectively). These poses require us to explore beyond our superficial involvement to the much deeper place of internal awareness.

In some poses it is easier to stay on the surface. For example, Uttanasana, an intense forward bend, we can think we are extending. However, when Abhijata put our backs to the wall for feedback, we realized, what we thought was an big effort on our part to extend from pubic bone to sternum was in reality more shifting our buttocks towards our head side- as opposed to truly extending in the manner she instructed. We had a false sense of what was happening. A proper extension is an integral action to moving beyond capabilities in asana. It is a wonderful example of the difference between Iyengar Yoga and other yoga in the energy requirement of Tapas and Svadyaya that must take place to achieve it without illusion.

Students of other practices may go for years under the illusion they are conducting the right action. Iyengar Yoga has proven, student after student, how with explicit instruction, dedicated uninterrupted practice and detachment (Abhyasa and Vairagya), we can go beyond illusion and beyond what we expect of ourselves. Through Tapas, Svadyaya, and Ishvara Pranidhana, truth and possibility surface. In the process, we glimpse yogah cittavrtti nirodhah, the cessation of fluctuations of the consciousness. We glimpse freedom from stiffness of mind and body to a place beyond our perceived abilities. It brings confidence, and clarity.

Abhijata explained how easily humans get dejected and downtrodden by the smallest criticism or comparison to others we think are doing better. We all do it. When that happens, the body gets heavy. It doesn’t want to move. It wants to go to bed or be alone. Nothing positive can happen in that place. The Iyengars know when a student’s body is in this state, and they alter the perspective to shift the heaviness immediately. It’s why props are so important in our practice because they enable a student to experience the pose so they have a vision of where they can go. The Iyengars have an incredible sense of where students are because they have been through it themselves, and they have served hundreds or thousands of students going through it in all its iterations. They seem to know what we are capable of even if we don’t know yet.

In her clarity and grace, Abhijata demonstrated the magic of forgiveness. She forgave us for forgetting actions and having a false impression of what we were doing in class. She gave us more instruction to aid our understanding. She explained, we all forget. We all get deluded. She didn’t give up on us. We can’t give up on ourselves. We can’t give up on each other. We have to forgive and keep trying from every perspective we can. Imagine if we could all have her level of confidence, clarity, grace and gratitude—how different the world would be.

Thank you Abhijata, and all those who have worked tirelessly to make this event possible. I look forward to tomorrow.

Namaste.

The Belle of Bellur: Four Days of Gratitude with Abhijata Iyengar - Day 1

Connecting to the soil of your birth

The first day of a four-day workshop with Abhijata began with a peek into the Sage Patañjali Temple in Bellur Karnataka, India, birthplace of BKS Iyengar. The temple was inaugurated in 2004 and is an awe inspiring testiment to Guruji’s gratitude for the scientist, artist, and philosopher, Sage Patañjali whose 196 Sutres or threads have served to guide practitioners all over the world in what Abhijata might describe as the technology of yoga.

Do keep in mind, any words I attribute to the Iyengars are my interpretation alone, and in no way serve as verbatim attempts to put words in their mouths that are not theirs. I welcome corrections and comments. My account is that of a student with great limitations of understanding. This content is meant to capture a small portion of an entire class as a way to show gratitude and honor the Iyengars, while at the same time share an experience in hopes that readers can gain a little from the lessons. All money’s from the workshop went into the Bellur Trust to continue the dream of BKS Iyengar to feed the soil of his birthplace with the nourishment of a center dedicated to learning the science, art, and philosophy of yoga. I encourage readers to visit the site and read about the ongoing project. Anyone who has been touched by yoga, regardless if it has been from the Iyengars directly or not, may be moved to contribute. It is a worthy cause built out of the gratitude that comes from many years of uninterrupted practice of Kriya Yoga or yoga in action, which is what distinguishes Iyengar Yoga: tapas (discipline), svadyaya (self-study), Ishvara Pranidhana (devotion, or ultimate surrender to the divine).

Abhijata’s class emphasized how these three elements bring deep gratitude — for the soil of our birth, which ultimately we all share. The ground from which we came. It is poignant for me. I have come back to the place of my birth to be with my father. My yoga became very different than I expected. It has for all of us with COVID. Abhijata brought our attention to Sutra 1.1 atha yoganusasanam as transcribed by BKS Iyengar, “With prayers for divine blessings, now begins an exposition of the sacred art of yoga.” She explained whatever disappointments of the past or desires for the future, we must be grateful for this moment, now. Now, today, we are healthy and practicing yoga.

The lesson explored where things begin and end. For example there is no real definition between mind and body, like the chicken or egg rhetoric, we can cycle endlessly in our attempts to answer where one begins and the other ends, or which came first the thought or the action. It could be said, spreading our awareness beyond habitual ideas and concepts of body and mind, is the technology of yoga. Abhijata helped us experience this idea through a series of asana. Noticing stiffness or shakiness, she changes our perception through alternative yet complimentary asana: Utthita Trikonasana, extended triangle, shifts to Vrksasana, tree and returns to UT. Parsvokonasana, extended side angle shifts to Baddha Konasana, bound angle pose and returns. Then Parighasana, gatelatch pose returns to parsvokonasana. Each time moving into different but connected poses with a focus on hips and groins — and returning back to the original asana after exploring relative actions from different vantage points. We notice more ease with the original asana. Is Ardha Chandrasana, half moon more difficult than another pose or is it simply our preconceived fear of balancing on one leg? Doing the pose facing the wall takes the fear away and allows us to focus on the progressive lessons from the previous asana. Away from the wall, Abhijata has us notice the ease now when the focus is on the lessons instead of the fear or preconceived notions. What is at work here? The citta vrtti (read chatter) of the mind or the resistence in the body? The transitions brought out the intelligence of the body, that comes from opening the mind as we explored the actions from different perspectives. We can’t force ourselves to the place we want to be. We have to be where we are and work from there with tapas (discipline), svadyaya (self-study), Ishvara Pranidhana (devotion, or ultimate surrender to the divine).

In the stillness of savasana, corpse pose, we synthesize the lessons and return to the earth. Grounding ourselves in gratitude and the concept of the soil of our birth. Nurturing it as it nurtured us is a service to humanity locally and globally. What a beautiful beginning. I’m very grateful for all those who made it possible, and look forward to day two.

Namaste.

Unpacking Patañjali: Sutras 1.33 for Beginners

To unpack the full scope of meaning behind any of the 196 Sutras (197 depending on translations) written almost 2,000 years ago is laughable. We always hear, “yoga is experiential” for a reason. Every serious practitioner knows whatever commentary we attempt on any aspect of yoga is in direct proportion to our personal experience. What I write here are my interpretations as I understand them at this point in my journey.

If you are an IYNAUS Member, I highly recommend Yoga Sutra sessions "Learning the Yoga Sutras with Clarity and Rigour" at RIMYI, Pune. It is conducted by Srineet Sridharan with insights from Prashant Iyengar (BKS Iyengar’s son) for students of the Institute. Srineet Sridharan is BKS Iyengar’s grandson. His lessons, coupled with insights from Prashant make for an extraordinary course.

BKS Iyengar in Light On Life explains that our thoughts and consciousness are part of every aspect of our life. When we understand their inner workings and apply right perception, the clarity and wisdom that results open us to mental and psychological freedom. In the yoga world, there are five sheaths of the body known as Kosas. Most of the “monkey mind” happens in the manomaya kosa or mental body, and the discriminating wisdom can be found in the vijnanamay kosa, the intellectual body.

BKS Iyengar lessons, as I understand them, bring awareness to the inner workings of our mind by exploring the 8-limbed path of yoga as guided by the Sutras of Patañjali through each kosa of the body. I believe he felt we can not understand or harmonize our mind stuff without synthesis and integration of the kosas in our body. Sutras 1.30-1.32 outline the nine obstacles and other distractions that cause turbulence within us. Sutras 1.33 - 1.39 offer six different possible solutions. The first of these solutions is cultivating compassion, joy, and friendliness and is translated by BKS Iyengar as follows:

मैत्रीकरुणामुदितोपेक्षाणां सुखदुःखपुण्यापुण्यविषयाणां भावनातश्चित्तप्रसादनम् ।।1.33।। maitrīkaruṇāmuditopekṣāṇāṃ sukhaduḥkhapuṇyāpuṇyaviṣayāṇāṃ bhāvanātaścittaprasādanam Through cultivation of friendliness, compassion, joy, and indifference to pleasure and pain, virtue and vice respectively, the consciousness becomes favourably disposed, serene and benevolent.

Mr. Iyengar likens our thoughts and consciousness, citta viksepa and citta prasadana to two aspects of a river: the current and the calm. The ideas behind Sutra 1.33 cultivate calm within us as well as within our social networks. The Sutra paired with the golden keys (the external and internal ethical disciplines) described in the first and second limb of the 8-limbed path, Yama and Niyama create serenity in the manmaya kosa or mental body.

My experience with this Sutra coupled with and Niyama is that I realized from a basic level, I could apply it to others much better than I could apply it to myself. Therefore, it felt like a false application that came from a desire to please rather than a place of wholeness and integration. I wasn’t indifferent. I practiced with attachment. Prashant in his insights to Srineet Sridharan’s course on the Sutra mentions the Sukha or sweetness for being compassionate to others and how that interferes with our honest practice of it. We can also help others to our detriment. If we are ill or not truly capable then it is not a healthy or right action.

I knew I didn’t experience a sthiti, steady mind with its practice. I had conditions. I had a desire to be loved or accepted. My mentor, Kquvien DeWeese mentioned that I may over function. I knew it felt exhausting. I did too much and helped dishonestly, which made my practice impure. I recall putting away props for students in the Yoga Therapy classes at the Ramamani Iyengar Memorial Yoga Institute (RIMYI) in Pune and a Senior instructor saying, “They should return their own props.” I remember Stillwater owner, Kathleen Pringle telling me the same thing in her Yoga Therapy classes in Atlanta. Students need to participate in their healing. What I considered being compassionate in this case, wasn’t.

At the institute that year, I had the honor of taking classes with Geeta Iyengar, who put a strong emphasis on commitment to our personal practice. If we are always being told what to do and how to do it, how can we hear the lessons of our soul? The deeper our practice becomes, the better we can share from a place of true understanding. Yes, our teachers are invaluable, but taking time to embody those lessons is vital to the path.

The Iyengar Method of teaching Yoga has a way of shedding light to the core of your being. I studied another method consistently for 10 years, and have been a dedicated practitioner of Iyengar for almost a decade. It takes time to slough off old habits and embody its teachings. Growing up with a parent with narcissistic tendencies, and the “jump, how high” mentality of the dance world for 23 years, my whole point of being centered around pleasing others to avoid the pain of disapproval and criticism.

I had to take time away from the voices of others so I could experience the voice within me. I got in the car and drove cross country by myself. Practicing in the woods, by rivers, in housesits, and on the sides of mountains. I began to listen. On the outside I could make the shapes of poses and appear to the novice to be aligned, but I wasn’t aligned with my inner teacher. I began with very basic asana and pranayama practice. I examined my habits, the parts of my body that I could perceive, and those areas that were dark to me.

Where did I lack compassion, joy, and friendliness? Where did I habitually think and move through a pose? What did I ignore and avoid? How did the pain/pleasure and vice/virtue dualities interfere with my repose and sthiti or steadiness? Was I already overdoing? Over thinking? How well could I adhere to the ‘twin pillers’ of abhyasa and vairagya (practice and detachment) and allow a desireless but present state to foster compassion, joy, and friendliness within me and out of me towards my external network with more authenticity?

When I started making training videos for students, I got some answers to my questions in the form of more lessons I didn’t anticipate. I had to watch and accept myself, along with my teaching, while continuing to refine with detachment, growing intelligence, and wisdom. I began to understand Sutra 1.33 and its companion limbs in a way I never expected. I took the time to pause in whatever pain, discomfort, lack of joy, compassion, and friendliness I encountered to wait for truth to come.

On the mat and off, it is an ongoing process. The deeper I go into my obstacles, the more they teach me how to overcome them. I am witnessing healing. A balance of truth is developing. I’m noticing a significant shift and purification in my behavior towards myself and others. I’ve got a long way to go, but grateful I have a path and teachers further along willing to share their understanding of it.